Wow, love this. After thinking about the concept for a while, I finally published this partly as a way to keep myself accountable to the priorities and ideas.
Another platinum essay. As I continue to go all-in on one book (the 6 pillars of Self Esteem) at your suggestion, I find it easier and easier to have random conversations with people. I think that will serve me well as I go in search of a propinquitous best friend with intentionality. I was already thinking about looking for more friends nearby, but you brought two major insights: first, the idea that a best friend is possible in my immediate area; and second, that I should be devoting the same time and effort as I would to making my next $100,000. That means deleting some low-value activities without mercy, and I think I know exactly which ones to delete. Thank you!
Another great read! I remember learning in my high school AP Psych class that "proximity" was the #1 reason that any sort of relationship was likely to form. At the time it surprised me. I would've expected several other things to be listed higher (e.g., similar interests, etc.). It felt so mundane rather than meaningful. But as you grow older, you quickly realize how little time you have to do all the things you want to do, and the most convenient thing often becomes the most likely thing to occur. Convenience is just a byproduct of that proximity!
Thanks Matt! Yeah I remember being surprised in college by how many peoples' best college friends ended up being the people they randomly got assigned as roommates or suite-mates freshman year. I thought of them as 'friends of convenience' rather than values- or interests-based friendships. As I've aged it has been easier to appreciate the value of proximity as a legitimate quality in friendship, especially if it is going to have substantial day-to-day impact on you. So now one of my infinite games has become: is there a way to make the highest value-aligned friendships more proximate? It's very tough brief, but feels like the biggest happiness lever there is.
Another Platinum Essay indeed. A fun extension of the "make new friends where you live" thought experiment is to take walks through your neighborhood and say hi to people. Don't live in a walkable neighborhood? Live in a walkable neighborhood but don't love the people you encounter on your walks? These are fixable problems. "You are not a tree", as someone once said.
100%. I think that most people get stuck because they don't realize "These are fixable problems" can be said about basically every problem we encounter in our lives.
I’ve been wrestling with whether to move to a city where a bunch of my friends live, this just put me over the edge!
Wow, love this. After thinking about the concept for a while, I finally published this partly as a way to keep myself accountable to the priorities and ideas.
Another platinum essay. As I continue to go all-in on one book (the 6 pillars of Self Esteem) at your suggestion, I find it easier and easier to have random conversations with people. I think that will serve me well as I go in search of a propinquitous best friend with intentionality. I was already thinking about looking for more friends nearby, but you brought two major insights: first, the idea that a best friend is possible in my immediate area; and second, that I should be devoting the same time and effort as I would to making my next $100,000. That means deleting some low-value activities without mercy, and I think I know exactly which ones to delete. Thank you!
Thanks Nick! 🙏🏼 Stoked to hear that this resonated.
Really enjoyed this! I’d love to hear your thoughts on a piece I wrote about a year ago, which says similar things but from the opposite direction https://open.substack.com/pub/randomnumbers/p/relational-itinerancy?r=1yk5df&utm_medium=ios
I thought the question you ask of “how much would you pay for this?” was a really helpful way of framing this issue in a positive light.
Another great read! I remember learning in my high school AP Psych class that "proximity" was the #1 reason that any sort of relationship was likely to form. At the time it surprised me. I would've expected several other things to be listed higher (e.g., similar interests, etc.). It felt so mundane rather than meaningful. But as you grow older, you quickly realize how little time you have to do all the things you want to do, and the most convenient thing often becomes the most likely thing to occur. Convenience is just a byproduct of that proximity!
Thanks Matt! Yeah I remember being surprised in college by how many peoples' best college friends ended up being the people they randomly got assigned as roommates or suite-mates freshman year. I thought of them as 'friends of convenience' rather than values- or interests-based friendships. As I've aged it has been easier to appreciate the value of proximity as a legitimate quality in friendship, especially if it is going to have substantial day-to-day impact on you. So now one of my infinite games has become: is there a way to make the highest value-aligned friendships more proximate? It's very tough brief, but feels like the biggest happiness lever there is.
Another Platinum Essay indeed. A fun extension of the "make new friends where you live" thought experiment is to take walks through your neighborhood and say hi to people. Don't live in a walkable neighborhood? Live in a walkable neighborhood but don't love the people you encounter on your walks? These are fixable problems. "You are not a tree", as someone once said.
100%. I think that most people get stuck because they don't realize "These are fixable problems" can be said about basically every problem we encounter in our lives.